- by @ghost_llama -


In any situation where I am bored, and time moves like molasses, I like to ask myself a ridiculous question. The question always has five answers. Basically, it’s the desert island style questions but absurd. In this series, “Fast Five”, I will answer some jam band related ones. Maybe even some reader submitted questions.


This week's question... Phish is busy and needs you to brainstorm NYE gag ideas. What do you present to them?


The Ass Handed Gag

The set begins with the band high above the stage, out of sight. Trey says a bit about how the year was a bit rough and tumble (but in a fun Trey way that doesn’t bring people down). This leads to the band being lowered from the rafters as Fishman starts Ass Handed. Upon reaching the stage, the instrumental part of the song launches off and is jammed out while balloons shaped like butts flood the arena. The jam transitions into Auld Lang Syne. When that dumb ass song ends, the band moves into Rise/Come Together to bring in the new year with happiness.


The Father Time 20 Years Later Gag

The band “hikes” down a waterfall to the stage and begin playing Kill Devil Falls. KDF transitions into 20 Years Later and Father Time (from Big Cypress) comes out from behind the waterfall. The band plays Auld Lang Syne before moving into Joy.


The Kitchen Gag

As the set begins, a giant bowl of spaghetti is seen on stage. The band begins playing The Sloth and the bowl opens up. Meatballs and pasta drop from the rafters. The band plays that New Year’s song. The inside of the bowl lights up as curtains around the inside of the bowl reveal gumbo. The band then plays the tastiest version of Gumbo ever.


The Sentimental Gag

As everyone enters they are asked to stop by a booth in the concourse to write down things they did not like about 2019 on a giant paper banner. As the New Year set begins, there is a bonfire on the stage and the band plays Blaze On. As Trey sings “when I screw up once, I screw up two more times” the paper banner is burned in the bonfire. Auld Lang Syne, yada yada yada, band plays Everything’s Right.


The Gamehendge Gag

This is the only true answer. The band plays the entire Gamehendge saga. This is our 2020 and its great.

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