In any situation where I am bored and time moves like molasses I like to ask myself a ridiculous question. The question always has five answers. Basically, it’s the desert island style questions but absurd. In this series, “​Fast Five”, ​I will answer some jam band related ones. (Even reader submitted.)


If Phish were on ​The Masked Singer, ​what would each member’s mask and clue packet be?

(Note: For those not familiar with the show, the main theme is how being in a mask the celebrity is free to be themselves without judgement. This includes a part where something in their life holds them back. None of the following clues are to be taken seriously, they are written to help reveal the identity behind the mask. Also the songs are popular ones that the audience would know but also hides the vocal style of the masked performer.)


Trey - The Ocelot


Visual Clues​: In a barn with a picture of an oyster right above his head. On the left we see a bookcase with one book and a lizard. On the right we see a mini trampoline.


Voiceover​: “After a life changing drive, I took some time away to find myself again. Now that I am back people say I have lost a step or two. As the Ocelot, I can come out and play without being compared to my younger self.”


Song​: ​Whip It


Mike - A really weird almost cat like mask that isn’t really a cat but it looks cool.. (Ya know a Mike

type thing)


Visual Clues: ​Bright color everywhere in a cosmic backdrop. We see flashy shoes sitting on steps. A random bass jumps across the screen. The audience sees a video camera sitting on a director’s chair as the clip closes out. A few sculptures are seen throughout.


Voiceover: “People only know me for one thing, but I am random and do whatever I feel like when the mood strikes. As the (whatever Mike named this thing), everyone will see just how much I can do.”


Song​: ​Achy Breaky Heart​ or ​Old Town Road


Page - The Sandwich

Visual Clues​: In a Vermont deli, there is a picture of Frank Sinatra on the wall. Right next to the picture is a set of keys hanging on a corkboard. Over the backs of the chairs in the deli are Page type shirts. (Like the octopus one.) The tables, counter tops, and floor are blue.

Voiceover​: “Every since I was four, I have been wowing audiences with my skills but most days I am limited inside a square. As the sandwich, I can finally break out of my box and show the world what I can really do.”


Song​: ​That’s Amore


Fish - A Donut


Visual Clues​: In a Maine cabin, there is an old vacuum in the corner. On the table there is a plate with drumsticks (the food ones) on it. A notepad with the words town meeting is seen on the same table; there is an unreadable outline on it. Out the window a path can be seen going haphazardly into a forest.


Voiceover​: “The older I get the more time I have to follow my passions. Unfortantely, people only see me as one joke thing and don’t pay attention to my other accomplishments. As the doughnut, I finally have the chance to follow my heart and do what I want without being judged.


Song: ​Living on a Prayer


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